audiobook narrators should not be allowed to do the voices
STOP IT
STOP
PLEASE
DO NOT DO THE VOICES
I HATE IT
I AM JUST TRYING TO LISTEN TO A LITTLE MYSTERY AT BEDTIME
I HAVE THE PHONE SITTING NEXT TO MY HEAD
I AM TRYING TO RELAX
IT’S BEEN A STRESSFUL WEEK
JUST READ THE BOOK
NORMALLY
THIS IS NOT A ONE MAN SHOW
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO A LADY VOICE FOR EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER
IT SOUNDS WEIRD
SOMETIMES I AM ALMOST ASLEEP WHEN YOU DO IT
[FANCY LADY VOICE] OOOO THERE HAS BEEN A MURDER
NO
IT MAKES ME SO MAD
AND I FORGET TO GO TO SLEEP
TWO IN THE MORNING AND I’M STEAMING
IT WON’T DO
SOME OF THIS IS ON ME, I SUPPOSE
MAYBE I SHOULDN’T BE LISTENING TO MURDER BOOKS WHEN I AM TRYING TO SLEEP
SOMETIMES I FALL ASLEEP WHEN IT IS PLAYING AND THE STORY SNEAKS INTO MY DREAMS
THEN I AM INVESTIGATING A MURDER
ONE TIME DMX SHOWED UP TO HELP ME
NOW THERE’S A GUY WHO COULD HAVE NARRATED THE HECK OUT OF AN AUDIOBOOK
DMX READING THE GREAT GATSBY
HE WOULDN’T HAVE DONE THE VOICES
MAYBE HE WOULD HAVE
THIS IS THE ONE EXCEPTION I WOULD HAVE MADE
DMX COULD HAVE DONE THE VOICES WHEN NARRATING AN AUDIOBOOK
NO ONE ELSE THOUGH
ENOUGH
STOP IT
WITH THE VOICES
[DMX VOICE] SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG
STUFF I TYPED
— Vulture let me write about Angela Bassett, who is giving us the full Angela Bassett every week on 9-1-1 even though she does not have to
— my weekly Five Spot newsletter, which has no paywall this week because everyone needed a break to read about the saga of the stolen ruby red slippers
— an update to our previous coverage: this week on Doctor Odyssey, Margo Martindale appeared as the mother of the bride on a wedding cruise and the whole thing got derailed because the philanderous groom freaked out and jumped overboard in his tuxedo and then Joshua Jackson and the two other members of his medical team dealt with this tragic suicide by eating the wedding cake and drinking the champagne that was supposed to be used at the reception and having a threesome on network television, and also Margo said this, which I screencapped immediately
STUFF I CLICKED ON
— Quincy Jones died, which was sad, but it did give me a reminder to re-read the wild interview he did a few years ago
— good blog about basketball and toilets
— good blog about elephants taking showers
— Cristin Milioti talked about how awesome she is on The Penguin as a psychotic mafia princess
— someone in the TV subreddit posted this video from the show Patriot and it reminded me to start another Patriot rewatch, which is important to do every now and then
— Mark Zuckerberg’s latest AI plan has been thwarted by bees
— the Swifties have left Twitter for Bluesky
— four raccoons escaped from a zoo in England
— “Pet Pig Breaks Into Garage, Gets 'So Drunk' on Owner's Beer”
— Anna Kendrick is doing a little victory lap
— how Neon marketed Longlegs to make it a big hit
— I have watched the Saquon Barkley reverse hurdle maybe 600 times in the last seven days
— go birds
— congratulation to the pumpkin paddler
Okay, that’s it for this week. Please share and subscribe and do not do the voices.
