Do You Think Billy Bob Thornton Owns A Smartphone?

You know how sometimes something can make sense on one level but be completely perplexing on another? Think about, like, bags. School students carry bags with stuff in them – books, chargers, assorted junk – all the way from kindergarten through college. Lots of women carry purses or bags with stuff in them through adulthood. But some dudes — big, strong dudes, real men, grrr — just try to shove an entire day’s worth of things into their pockets before they leave the house. We treat this behavior as normal because it’s the way it’s been done for many years but it’s madness. Everyone should carry a little bag full of stuff they might need. I believe this with all of my heart. 

I was thinking about this while watching the new T-Mobile commercial where Billy Bob Thornton walks through the middle of nowhere to tell you about the network’s coverage

So, like, yes, I understand where they’re headed with this. Billy Bob Thornton is someone people associate with large open expanses of land where there are no cell phone towers. It’s his voice and general vibe and probably also his role on Landman. Fine. But also… Billy Bob Thornton does not seem like a guy I would take tech advice from because Billy Bob Thornton gives off the energy of a man who never upgraded from a flip phone. The premise makes sense but also makes no sense.

And then that got me thinking about whether Billy Bob Thornton does even use a smartphone in his daily life. The important word in that sentence is “thinking.” I did not look it up. I very easily could have. I could have typed “billy bob thornton iphone” into my search bar and gotten the answer immediately. There might be multiple photos of him using an iPhone right there on the first page of results. That’s not the point, though. The point is that I genuinely had a good time pondering it for a few minutes. It’s okay to do that sometimes, to just let your brain go on a hike for a while. Keeps you sharp. Or at least keeps you entertained. I’m getting a whole blog out of it. Arguments can be made that I’ve gotten a whole career out of it. I would love to explain that to the teachers who told me to stop daydreaming in class when I was a kid. Turns out brains are like bags, in a way. It can be useful to have one with a bunch of assorted junk in it, just in case. 

Anyway, here’s where I am on the Billy Bob smartphone business…

CASE FOR BILLY BOB HAVING A SMARTPHONE

• It’s 2025
• Everyone has a smartphone
• Even though he gives off the energy of a flip phone guy, he’s been in Hollywood a long time and probably is more hip than I assume
• Even if he’s a flip phone guy at heart, someone in his life probably made him upgrade
• I mean, come on, right?

CASE AGAINST BILLY BOB THORNTON HAVING A SMARTPHONE

• It is much funnier to picture him using a flip phone 
• Similarly, I’m trying to picture him using his index finger to navigate a zillion apps on a touchscreen and I’m having a hard time
• It kind of punctures his aura a little bit to imagine him playing games on an iPhone between takes
• I mean, come on, right?

VERDICT

Billy Bob Thornton probably has a smartphone but you are not allowed to tell me if he does. 

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STUFF I CLICKED ON

— good blog by Max Read about the AI bubble, which may or may not be busting

— Spike Lee interview

— two good things in The Ringer: a big look at Rich Eisen returning to host SportsCenter and a beautiful piece of writing for my Eagles-obsessed brain about Jerry Jones bungling the Cowboys into potential oblivion 

— speaking of AI and its various goofs, I saw this article about Taco Bell stepping back from its AI-powered drive-thru after a customer somehow ordered 18,000 waters (lol) and I stopped everything I was doing to go watch this ITYSL sketch again 

— Ice- T wants Benson and Stabler to hook up on Law & Order: SVU

— Ridley Scott turned down $20 million to direct a Terminator movie, which brings up an important point: I will direct a Terminator movie for as little as $17 million 

— Bruce Springsteen on why he signed off on a biopic: “I’m old and don’t give a fuck now”

— I read this interview with Amanda Seyfried and my biggest takeaway is that I like her more now that I know she cusses like a sailor 

— “'Leno's Law' aimed at easing classic car smog requirements in California fails”

— trying and failing to think of anything weirder than The Rock crying his eyes out while a crowd of Italians applauds for him for 15 full minutes

— "Man wearing Batman-clad pajamas thwarts robbery attempts in Cape Coral neighborhood"

— RIP to the Burning Man Orgy Dome

— quick, name something stupider than Knicks dipshit owner James Dolan and cartoon villain Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav using AI to put themselves into a version of the Wizard of Oz that will screen at the Vegas Sphere (you can’t)

— The Police are suing Sting

— Hulu and Alex Gibney are making a documentary about Luigi Mangione

— for one reason or another I watched a news report from the 1970s about the Action News car bursting into flames outside a competitor’s studio and, honestly, it was worth it

— Sabrina Carpenter is a maniac and I respect her for leaning way into it

Okay, that’s it for this week. Please share and subscribe and continue to ponder life’s mysteries.