The Three-Part Case For Letting The Muppets Play The Super Bowl Halftime Show
Put Statler and Waldorf in one of the luxury boxes, too.
The Muppets played the halftime show of the World Cup final. Actually, wait. I suppose that’s not precisely accurate. A lot of people played the halftime show of the World Cup final. Madonna was there. So was Justin Bieber and Shakira and the guys from Ted Lasso, for some reason. But, at one point, without warning or explanation, blammo, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem showed up with Animal smashing away on the drums, and … look, if any single Muppet shows up for any amount of time during any live performance, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to credit the entire performance to them. I’m going to do it. I already did it, kind of. And I’m only going to get more carried away from here.
The most important thing this all did, besides putting Animal and Lionel Messi in close enough proximity that there’s a non-zero chance they are best friends now, is open a door that cannot be closed. If the Muppets can play this halftime show, the Muppets can play any halftime show. And if they can play any halftime show, then they can play the Super Bowl halftime show. There are no holes in this logic.
I have thought about this pretty much non-stop for the last 36 or so hours and I have decided it needs to happen. Allow me to explain. Here is the three-part case for letting the Muppets play the Super Bowl halftime show.
I. It would be awesome
Obviously. Every part of it, too. Even the lead-up to the big day, with various Muppets making various media appearances to promote the whole thing. I don’t just mean, like, Kermit going on Kimmel or Miss Piggy swinging by to stir things up on The View, although those would be fun, for sure. I’m talking a full-on Muppet promotional tour. Give me Gonzo on Hot Ones. Give me the Swedish Chef rollin’ out with Guy Fieri. Get Marc Maron back in the garage for a two-hour chat with Fozzie Bear. Flood the zone.
Have them there all weekend before the game, too. Fan interactions, player interviews, sports science segments with Beaker and Dr. Benson Honeydew, all of it. Muppets everywhere leading up to kickoff. Hell, make everything before the performance a meta thing about The Muppets Putting On The Halftime Show, complete with Kermit panicking and Piggy demanding a big number so expensive it would bankrupt the NFL.
CUT TO: The first half of the game ends. The teams retreat to their respective locker rooms. My beloved Philadelphia Eagles hold a 50-7 lead. (This is my delusion, leave me alone.) A buzz begins building throughout the stadium. An audible hum of excitement. Whispers turn to whooping as the lights go down.
And then…
The lights come back up…
Fireworks…
Pyro galore…
A small blue dot becomes visible in the night sky…
It gets closer…
And closer…
Well guess what: Gonzo is parachuting into the stadium…
The smoke clears and a full band of Muppets begins playing the opening theme of The Muppet Show.
But Brian, wait… do the Muppets have enough original music to fill an entire halftime show?
I’m glad you brought this up. It brings me to…
II. Celebrity guests galore
A few suggestions:
- Miss Piggy reteaming with notable Friend of the Muppets Sabrina Carpenter for a rendition of Espresso (“that’s that moi espresso,” etc.)
- Kermit doing DaBaby’s part of the Levitating remix with Dua Lipa
- Animal on the drums with The Killers for Mr. Brightside
- Rowlf on a huge double piano with John Legend
- We probably can’t get Beyonce but we can still have The Swedish Chef do his own rendition of Crazy in Love or something
- Snoop Dogg and Gonzo doing a medley of hits
And so on. I respect that the logistics of this will be a headache. Getting the big names to show up for short appearances and clearing the rights to any song the Muppets cover by themselves will require hours and hours of tedious legwork. But “because it will be hard” is never a reason to give up on doing something great. Figure it out.
III. Consider this for a finale...
Okay, all the celebrities have shown up and done their part. The crowd is in a tizzy. Maybe we cut once or twice to Statler and Waldorf up in a luxury box. More fireworks. More pyro. Let’s shoot Gonzo out of a cannon, too. But then…
The lights go out again…
No sound…
Perfect, still silence…
A spotlight shines down toward the 50-yard-line…
Kermit the Frog is sitting on a rock overlooking a small pond built into the stage. He has a guitar. He strums a few notes and begins singing the opening lines of The Rainbow Connection. The stadium puts the lyrics up on the Jumbotron, karaoke-style. Now the whole crowd is singing along. The television broadcast cuts to shots of fans belting out the chorus, old and young, some of whom knew the song from their youth and some of whom just learned about it during that big media blitz we talked about earlier. A few of them are crying a little. You’re crying a little at home, too.
It is my position that this would be the coolest thing that could ever happen at a Super Bowl halftime show, narrowly edging out the time Prince performed Purple Rain in a driving rainstorm. I have no higher praise to give.
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STUFF I CLICKED ON
— my House of the Dragon Scorecard for this week’s episode, in which I begrudgingly award my least favorite guy a tiny fraction of a point
— Taffy Brodesser-Akner with a surprisingly lovely blog about taking a cold plunge
— Vince Mancini wrote a good blog about The Odyssey
— Linda Holmes wrote a good blog about baseball but also about doing your job even when it sucks
— lots of good World Cup stuff: Charlie Warzel on watching the US team, Brian Phillips on watching the final, Brian Phillips on hating VAR, James Poniewozik on becoming a sports guy
— if you haven’t seen the BBC’s closing montage, I recommend carving out the time
— I talked about the new monkey in Friday’s newsletter but Sabrina Imbler talked about it better at Defector
— Netflix is making a game show based on Monopoly
— Phil Collins has a bone to pick with Noel Gallagher
— the guy who plays Dani Rojas on Ted Lasso made his professional soccer debut
— shoutout to New Jersey diner owner Johnny Gabagool
— Christopher Nolan hates chairs and Uggs
— Neil the Seal has returned to the sea
— “Up to 5 cups of coffee per day may potentially lower heart disease risk, doctors say”
— “Labrador rescued from UK’s highest mountain after suspected cannabis consumption”
— “Man arrested after surfing naked on top of moving locomotive”
— okay this is a funny bit
@todayshow Marcello Hernández worked with Kevin Hart for the first time on their new movie "72 Hours," and gave his best impression of Hart for the TODAY anchors 🤣
♬ original sound - TODAY Show - TODAY Show
Okay, that’s it for this week. Please share and subscribe and get the paperwork started on this Muppets business.
