Plots From RJ Decker Season 2, Ranked From Least To Most Florida
Network television is a beautiful thing.
RJ Decker is a television show about a disgraced Florida photographer who goes to jail for a crime he kind of did commit — HE HAD REASONS! THERE WAS A CONSPIRACY! HE’S A GOOD MAN! — and becomes a private investigator when he gets out. The character is played by Scott Speedman and wears tropical shirts exclusively and is based on a character from a book by Carl Hiaasen. There are throughlines that connect the season (usually, one or two overarching investigations), but for the most part, every episode opens with a very ridiculous, very Florida crime — see above, re: Hiaasen — and ends with RJ solving the mystery.
I suspect regular readers of this blog knew all of this already because I bring up the show constantly, as I did here during the first season when an episode started with a flamethrower attack and wrapped up with a twist that left me howling. There are a few reasons for this:
- I like the show a lot
- It’s nice to have a fun network procedural in your life where a scrappy underdog gets justice every week, especially when the cases he’s working on are interesting and/or hilarious
- I no longer have an editor who can stop me
The second season just ended this week. It was only seven episodes, which is concerning on a few levels, one being my fear it will get canceled any day now and another being BRING BACK 22-EPISODE SEASONS OF FUN PROCEDURALS, but I digress. Each of the episodes was a hoot, a nice 45-minute break for my brain filled with nude bank robbers and wacky twists and UFO-related chicanery at fishing tournaments. None of them featured a street artist named Rico Delaware, who showed up in the first season, but still. Pretty good.
Below, please find all seven episodes from the season, ranked from least to most Florida plot lines.
EPISODE 7
Official description:
Emi hires R.J. to re-investigate the murder of a police officer in hopes of exonerating a possibly wrongly convicted man who took the fall. The sensitive investigation puts him at odds with Mel.
This was the season finale, which focused more on wrapping up a big case about a man falsely accused of killing a cop who was friends with RJ’s ex-wife’s new wife, who also happens to be RJ’s friend and contact on the police force. The case itself was a pretty straightforward, non-Florida murder investigation, at least for this show, but it did feature a suspect doing this when he tried to flee…
… which is certainly something that should be noted somewhere. Like, for example, by me, on this blog.
EPISODE 2
Official description:
A missing man, a mysterious item and a dangerous stranger in a pickup truck pull R.J. into one of his strangest cases yet; someone close to him is caught up in a mystery of their own.
The mystery item was a severed hand and, yes, of course the case led RJ to a beachfront gym where roided-out himbos lift weights and, yes, of course the hand belonged to one of the roided-out himbos and, yes, of course there was a twist involving the hand.
EPISODE 5
Official description:
R.J. and his dad must discover who has been gaslighting the caretaker at a senior living community. They’ll have to unwind a murderous scheme that has R.J.’s client convinced he’s living the same day in a loop.
How did they convince him he was living in the same loop? I'm glad you asked. By using Dolly Parton songs and staging a sailboat explosion every afternoon. Why were they trying to convince him he was living in the same loop? Glad you asked again. So his family would have him committed to a mental institution and sell the land. Also, there was a foot chase set to Soulja Boy. Here, look...
I would never lie to you.
EPISODE 6
Official description:
R.J. faces long odds and stormy tides when he investigates the violent death of a woman who appears to have died in a hurricane … that never made landfall.
So a few things here:
- The reason the hurricane never made landfall was that a weather bro faked the forecast so he could cash in with a bet on a prediction market and quit his job
- The victim was murdered on dry land and placed in a hurricane simulator to mimic the effects of the storm before being dumped on the ground, but the murderer was caught because, again, the hurricane never actually made landfall
Beautiful television.
EPISODE 4
Official description:
A murder at a fishing tournament reels R.J. into a case that becomes deeply personal when a figure from his past resurfaces.
Notable elements of this one:
- There were allegations of cheating during the fishing tournaments
- What some people suspected were UFOs were actually just drones being piloted by sketchy dudes named Riz and Walt
- The figure from his past was his con man dad, played by Beau Bridges, really chewing up some Florida scenery
Tough to top “UFOs and fishing flimflams” on a list of Florida schemes. And yet!
EPISODE 3
Official description:
As Emi faces murder charges over her father's death, R.J. and Mel are convinced there's more to the story; a mysterious stranger with his own agenda offers to help – for a price.
See, you read that and think "hmm, that seems pretty straightforward for a network procedural," until you realize by "more to the story" they mean "a crooked politician’s murder was solved thanks to dust from a pickleball court and the guilty party confessed to avoid being killed by a Haitian gang whose representative later gave RJ his family recipe for shrimp creole."
EPISODE 1
Official description:
A reunion with an old prison acquaintance pulls R.J. into a string of daring bank heists as the fallout from Victor Ochoa's death deepens.
The important thing with this one is that "daring bank heists" means "a crew robbed banks nude from the waist down so the witnesses would be too distracted to provide detailed accounts of the crime." Also, the whole thing was organized by a crooked federal agent who was busted due to his fragrant vape clouds. Also, this is the song that played when RJ realized who it was.
I need 10 seasons.
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STUFF I CLICKED ON
— what I like about Mike Ryan is that he’ll cover an issue that a lot of people have a passionate opinion about — in this case, what exactly constitutes breaking an embargo with a film review — by opening with a story about Richard Gere chasing him down a hallway
— Vulture updated and reheated this Treehouse of Horror ranking my buddy and former Uproxx coworker Josh Kurp – who knows more about The Simpsons than anyone I have ever met – originally wrote in 2011, which is prehistoric in blog years
— good Defector blog about stolen guitars
— the cool thing about the internet is that sometimes a writer named Aaron will reach out to tell you his wife told him to tell you there is a movie about an expert piano tuner who starts using his powerful hearing to help criminals crack safes and then you'll go look for the trailer and discover it ALSO CO-STARS DUSTIN HOFFMAN???
— Slow Horses, a good show, actually filmed two endings for its sixth season
— Reggie Dinkins, another good show, has fully embraced chaos by adding Jane Krasinski, Jason Mantzoukas, and Edi Patterson — FREAKING THANK YOU — to a cast that already featured Tracy Morgan
— a Netflix movie swapped out Reacher for John Wick
— I am very conflicted about the new Walmart commercial that stars Walton Goggins and the Muppets and suspect I will discuss it more in Friday's newsletter
— Knicks owner James Dolan remains a top-tier bozo
— “Texas' 'wiener dog capital' unveils 19-foot steel dachshund sculpture”
— “Dog that hunts invasive ‘sea vomit’ creature wins animal of the year award”
— a couple named Byrd got married at an Eagles tailgate party, so, yeah, go Byrds
Okay, that's it for this week. Please share and subscribe and try to solve a mystery or two while wearing a tropical shirt.
